The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
