Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
