highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
