Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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