Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
