There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
