first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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