i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
