i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
