So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
