I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
