i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
