He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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