i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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