I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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