I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
