I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
