Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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