I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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