On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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