then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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