my phone needs a breathalizer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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