are you so shy because you have an std?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
