One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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