just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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