dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
