I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bring money and cleavage
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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