like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
