I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
