Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
