I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
