What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
