I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
