We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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