I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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