I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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