peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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