ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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