Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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