Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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