it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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