I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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