I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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