I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
