I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
