If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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