the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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