Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
