I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
