btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
