and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
