no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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