Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
